Whirlwinds

College has been a strange entity so far. While I am adjusted (mostly) to my schedule and the habits I've adopted and the people I am around, I can't fight the feeling that its temporary. Its as if my body thinks I'm at some sort of hardcore summer camp, and in another month I will wake up one day, pack everything into a dusty duffel bag, and head home.
This mindset bothers me, A. because I am going to be here (hopefully) for another four or five years and B. because I'm trying as hard as I can to make college my life. I don't want to feel as if things are temporary anymore, I'm looking for a sense of solidity. Something I can hold onto. But for some reason, I feel more like a guest here than a resident. The sad part is that when I go home, I know I'm going to feel like a guest there too, because I will be living out of a travel bag for the weekend. Am I doomed to not feel at home for the next four-five years?
Part of the guest feeling probably has a lot to do with my new(ish) tendency to clean, often. I've always been an untidy person in a strange way- I will throw my clothes on the floor, but only in a specific spot, my desk may be a mess, but I can feel myself getting flustered the longer it stays that way. Knowing that the inside of a drawer is disorganized makes me cringe, and want to clean it. I have cleaned out my wardrobe, desk, under my bed, and the cabinets in the bathroom more times then I can count since I have been here. Its not the mess that really bother me either- its the little things like crooked sheets and lopsided pieces of paper that really drives me up a wall. I can have five million things cluttering a desk- so long as they're all equal distance apart and arranged in some sort of order.
So as I settle into college, I can see a litle bit more of my more obsessive side begin to peek its head out of the water, which I expected coming here. After all, a new place with all new people and an all new schedule calling for all new routines was bound to have an affect on me. For the first week, the impact showed intself largely in panic and anxiety attacks. Now, I'm becoming more compulsive, because being able to restore some sort of order helps me feel better about the realization that this is the longest I've been away from my hometown in my entire life, and while I'm making friends and hanging out with people I still don't entirely know what to do with myself. But I guess the biggest thing to do is take this all one step at a time, and try to get my head centered as best as I can.