In Need of Cleansing Breaths.

I am trying to remember those times when I was a peaceful, nature-loving person who tried her best not to be mean to anyone and be as organic and natural as possible. If you know me, do you remember these times? Because I'm starting to think that they didn't actually exist, and that I've always been this cold, unloving monster who worries about money and facts above all else, doesn't read for pleasure and can't write poetry about nice, pretty things.
I can't remember what it felt like to be at peace with my sexuality and my hair and my clothes and the way I spoke to others. The concept of laughing openly without hesitation is almost ancient lore and I haven't touched something pure and natural, like a stone or a tree or the grass or soil, in so long that I can't remember when.
I guess I've been so busy lately that I stopped trying to be happy. The love that I have in my life has taken a back seat to work and being what I am needed to be.
Tomorrow I'm taking a bus and a train home in an attempt to get home in time to go to a funeral with my mother. Then I'm going to work with her on Wednesday morning so that she won't be so lonely and stressed before the holiday. Afterwards the Holiday weekend will commence and the plan is to spend plenty of time with close family and old friends who I love. I'm really looking forward to the peace and tranquility I feel when I'm home, like all of the pieces of my life can come back together and I can be legitimately happy once again.

Have a wonderful Holiday!