'Cause the Crazy just wasn't as fun when it was only in my head.

I am a hypochondriac. I have been ever since I was in the eighth grade. Basically what this means, is that... if I get a bloody nose? You can pretty much bet I'm googling Leukemia. If my side hurts, I have researched Organ Failure on Wikipedia. Web MD should charge me for all of the advice that I find on their website. Oh, and the other thing? I hate going to the doctor. So I self- diagnose a lot. Because in all honesty, I don't trust doctors at all. Yeah, I'm basically a crazy person. Nice to meet you.
Of course, I have been living with my own idiosyncrasies for years and years and years, so I'm used to it and while I usually have some sort of ailment-related panic attack once a month, I can generally handle it. However when it comes to my pets, I'm insane.
I have two cats and a hamster. I used to have a fish, but he died. We won't talk about the fish... after about a year (which is much longer than I anticipated having him...i mean, it was a fish...those things are supposed to have the life spans of two weeks) my care-giving declined and by the time I left for college he had been given to my mother, who celebrated this responsibility by killing him after two months. Yay. Hey, look at that, we talked about the fish!
ANYWAY, for Christmas I was given Haruka. Why? Because I've wanted a hamster since I was ten. And then I had that breakup, and my friends sort of went through a period where they all either hated each other or were really busy, so I was kinda lonely. Yeah, I filled my loneliness with an animal. I dare you to judge me. I DARE YOU!
Well, it seems that my hypochondria and OCD has carried into my hamster care. Every day I give Haruka multiple look overs. I can tell you every kink in her fur, the colors in every part of her body, and the length of her teeth. Her schedule and her likes are completely down pat. I can tell you when she's cold or when her heart has sped up the slightest bit or when she's grumpy. That's right! I'm the crazy hamster lady! This better go on my list of accomplishments after I die, right below "Saviour of the World" and "The only woman to live through the night while having her window open in seven degree weather" **

** I live in incredibly cold temperatures because, believe it or not, extreme cold keeps germs from flourishing. So I am cold pretty much at all times.

Ohhhhh Boy

Ugh, so I'm trying to wake up right now, I really am. A friend is coming by so we can go get some coffee and catch up in an hour, and I'm still in my pajamas, in bed. Stupid me stayed up until three thirty in the morning, talking on the phone. I never talk on the phone. In general, I am an entirely too awkward person for phone conversations. The ability to say the right things in order with any sort of cohesion to what the other person is saying completely escapes me. Granted, this escapes me in day to day life too... talking to someone in person. But then at least I can make a joke or start jumping around and just pretend to be crazy.

But I had been talking to someone online from school for the last few days, once of those endless conversations, you know? And last night I got a text asking if I would talk to him on the phone. Of course, I straight out told him... "I am an incredibly awkward phone conversationalist" but he didn't care, and called anyways. We talked for a few hours and then went our seperate ways.

Why am I explaining all of this?

Because my plan, once again, to go to bed at 11 was foiled by my complete lack of willpower. Instead I wrote until 1:30, then talked on the phone for two hours. Excellent decision making skills, I mean really. This is the sort of thing that Dr. Phil screams about until he is blue in the face.

But whatever, it was a good night and it has all the potential to be a good day!

-Sarah Elizabeth

<3

I haven't been posting lately for a myriad of reasons. At first, it was because I spent the first week or so of my break utterly devastated. As you undoubtedly read, things weren't that great around here for awhile. But life went on, things got better, and I finally managed to get that thing we call closure (synonym for: That reason we no longer bang out heads against a desk screaming WHY WHY WHY). Then I wasn't posting for a completely different reason: I've been so happy, I haven't thought to post because I've been doing things.

In the last few weeks, I've been really good. Great, actually. Even with some of the remaining repercussions of the drama in my life, I've been good. Happy, and excited, and motivated to get up in the early afternoon (I'd say morning, but I'm up all night so I sleep through the morning for sanity purposes). I've felt inspired to read again, to write, to sing out loud and bead and shower and actually run a brush through my hair. I put on clean clothes now, I eat food that isn't shitty, and I excercise while listening to the most exciting music you'll ever hear. I communicate with my mother without biting sarcasm and I haven't uttered the words "I hate my life" in days. Things still aren't perfect, but life never is, and I'm just so excited to actually want to be a part of society and life to really worry about the imperfections. Because yeah, sometime soon I will have to deal with them. But for right now, I'm working on the now and the here.

-Sarah Elizabeth

Haruka Onigiri

So I know I promised some hamster photos but do you have any idea how impossible it is to take a photo of an animal who never stops moving? I mean really, I did all but squish her to calm her down and nothing worked! So I took some video, and you will watch it, because there are at least three of you out there who love me and by extention my animals.

So without further ado, please meet Haruka Onigiri (Japanese literally translated means Flower Rice Ball)

:)




Update! It appears due to the shittasticness of my camera, Haruka can not be seen. I'll try again another day, then.

Photos

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I've been looking into photography, despite my terribly shitty camera. Here are a few of my nicer shots, more later after I've obtained some sleep.

Skeletons

In the last few days I saw my entire future open up, and suddenly many of my misgivings about my Now and my Then as they relate to my Soon and my Far have gone away. They just flew right out of my head. Suddenly I didn't care about how old I was anymore, or about what I want when I'm twenty five or anything like that. Right now I just want to focus on this month, maybe a little bit of next month, and that rest can come when it wants to.

Right now I am just living day to day, learning new recipes and writing when I can and playing with scrap metal to make things and beading and knitting and taking photos. I hope to share some of these creations with everyone soon. Keep an eye out for a etsy shop in the coming weeks.

2009 begins

When I was a kid, New Years Eve was one of my favorite holidays. It was the only night that I was allowed to stay up all night long, while I ate serious amounts of junk food and hung with my friends (who were the kids of my parent's friends). We would all bang pots and pans together with wooden spoons when the clock struck twelve and we would watch the fireworks between a few trees that were being set off in Philly. Every year I would try my best to stay up as late as possible, but I usually crashed between three and four, either on the floor or at the end of a couch between a few of my parent's friends. One year, the only place I could find was the floor right in front of the TV (because sleeping in your own bed on New Years is blasphemy when you're seven) so I laid on the hard wood with a blanket and watched Phish give a celebratory concert. The next morning, everyone who was left would stumble to breakfast, and the new year would begin.
Now, I usually go out with friends on New Years. For some reason I ended up going to three different get togethers this year. First I went to Wyoming's house where she was celebrating with her neighbors and boyfriend. We watched I Love Lucy and AFV for a few hours and talked. Afterwards I shivered home in the ridiculous cold to feed my hamster (a christmas gift, I'll post photos when I get some decent ones) and pick up some baked goods before I called Jereality to see where she was. Jereality was at Topher's house with the rest of the guys, and since he lives around the corner from me I met up with her there to hang for a half hour. Typical of the guys they played video games and ate junk food while sprawled on some couches in the Den while Jer and I watched (and occasionally participated).
About an hour before midnight we drove to JK's house. Its tradition to officially bring the New Year in at her house with sparkling cider in pretty glasses and frenzies of photographs. We counted down with Anderson Cooper before venturing out into the cold, cold street to watch her neighbors light off fireworks and listen to other parties of people scream. We warmed up inside for a few hours before Jer and I took to her car again to return to Topher's. When we walked in we noticed that the guys had just gone on a replenishing junk food run. It was nearly 3 a.m. at this point and we talked for a few hours before returning to the den under blankets and sleeping bags to play Soul Caliber in increasingly ridiculous states of mind. Jer and I stayed until 7.
Anyone who has stayed up all night understands the feeling you get when you realize you've worn yesterday's clothes for almost 24 hours and your teeth haven't been brushed in at least 12. They also understand the intense sleep-deprivation that drives you to a state not unlike laziness. I stumbled home to shower and change, but first spent twenty minutes curled up on my bedroom floor pretending to dream but really just listening to my hamster (Haruka) squeak on her wheel in her cage. It wasn't until I got a text from Alex that I got moving, got myself ready, and then stumbled out the door for the last time today to get breakfast with everyone from Topher and JK's house.
Breakfast was an incredibly quiet ordeal with the ten of us crowded around a few tables. We ate, joked sparingly, but mostly we mumbled about being tired or continued last night's inside jokes before we paid the check and drove home. By the time Jer pulled up to my house I had resolved to go straight to bed, and I barely got my shoes off and changed into proper pajamas before I was asleep on my pillow, completely unbothered by the glaring sunlight.